Written January 8th, 2019
I don’t have the luxury of putting my creativity on the back burner.
Yes, you read that right. I consider it a wonderful luxury to be able to say to the Spirit of Creativity, “I’m sorry, but I have other more important matters to deal with right now. I’ll get back to you when my life is slightly less chaotic.”
Spirit of Creativity ain’t having that. She won’t be ignored. She’ll get into my brain and scramble my thoughts. She’ll get into my body and bog me down. She demands attention. She has claimed me as hers and when she says Create, I better create or my life will quickly turn to hell.
This is my life. It’s complicated. I want to call the shots. I want to be in control. I want to decide what I’m going to do today. But… I am not my own. I have fought this for too long and there’s no getting away from it, there’s no breaking free… because to break free would somehow negate my existence. Creativity and I are One. I may go so far as to say that the Spirit of Creativity is none other than my “Higher Self”. And she’s pretty damn powerful. My lower self, aka my corruptible little brain which has deluded itself into believing that it’s in control, doesn’t stand a chance against this power. It literally breaks trying to resist.
You know this is why so many talented artists and creative types go mad, right?
I’m still learning how to manage this. It’s incredibly difficult… or at least, that’s what I’ve made myself believe. It’s actually quite remarkable how many times I’ve ditched responsibilities and began my day with some sort of craft or writing project, and it actually gave me the energy and mental clarity to accomplish my responsibilities that I otherwise struggle with. Perhaps it’s not so difficult after all?
I gave birth not quite 3 weeks ago, and I decided for the month of January that I would focus almost exclusively on getting our family life together. I determined I just didn’t have the time nor could I afford the brain power to work on any new creative project right now. But unfortunately, I immediately crashed. My plans have gone awry and things aren’t working out. I finally said, Screw it, I HAVE to go create something. And ooohhh, did it feel so good to get back to my luxurious colored macrame rope and inhale the delicious scent of my Sweet Annie crown as I hung my rope on it and tied the knots. Heaven is this easy and this close. Making supper afterwards didn’t feel like such a drag.
Turns out I do have time. It’s called “just do it.” Turns out I’m a far more pleasant mother and wife and human being when I exercise my creativity. When will I finally accept that the creative process is as essential to my well-being as eating and drinking? I don’t get to put it aside for any period of time. I have to carve out space for it almost daily.
I love to create. I love to sing, to write, to fashion something with my two hands and create something of beauty. This is my function. This is what I’m meant to spend my life doing. Along with all the goals I wrote down for this next year, I should add “Do something creative every day”. I must find ways to make the creative process one of my highest priorities because nothing else in my life is going to work without it. That’s just the way it is.
“An artist has been defined as a neurotic who continually cures himself with his art.” – Lee Simonson